my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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