She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
