well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
