the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
