You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
