I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
