Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
then he tried to convert me to islam
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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