OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
