Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
