my phone needs a breathalizer
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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