I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
