God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
