you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
