please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
