i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
