I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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