We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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