You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
