Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
