apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
