Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
