she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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