I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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