I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
