Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
