And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize