I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
