It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
