Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
