I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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