Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
