it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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