totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
