JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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