you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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