i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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