If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize