I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
