Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
