ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
