whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
