Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
