Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
