I have demons in me.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
