i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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