wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
