ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
