Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
