if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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