He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
