In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wear drunk well.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
