it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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