I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
