Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
