i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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