Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
