In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize