just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
sarcasm needs its own font
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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