If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
