after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
