Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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