I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
