You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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