I met the friendliest cop last night
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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