help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
