well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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