You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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