I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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