I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
