he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
