You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
