You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
