i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
