Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize