Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
