Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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