what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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